Keys To My Karma » Relationships

Communicating with understanding.

Aundra — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:31:52 +0000

My experience indicates that blunt honesty with my feelings gives me greater empathy with other people’s feelings. My feelings appear to be a truer register of another person’s feelings than my intellect. To better get at what is going on in him I sometimes ask myself not, “What is happening in him?” but “What do I feel is happening in him?” In order to see more clearly what he is feeling. I at times have to stop listening to what he is saying, and what I am thinking, and look inside myself. Then if I speak from this feeling within, and tell him what I understand him to be saying, he will usually set me straight if I have not got it right.

I must do these things in order to communicate: Become aware of you (discover you). Make you aware of me (uncover myself). Be ready to change during our conversation. And be willing to reveal my changes to you.

For communication to have meaning it must have life. It must transcend “you and me” and become “us.” If I truly want to communicate, I see in you a life that is not me and partake of it. And you see and partake of me. In a small way we then grow out of our old selves and become something new. To have this kind of sharing I cannot enter a conversation clutching myself. I must enter it with loose boundaries. I must give myself to the relationship, and be willing to be what grows out of it.

Acquaintance softens prejudice

Aundra — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:05:00 +0000

Something within me will not let me rest with a bad opinion of another person. Dislike is for me unpleasant sensation. It distresses me to hear someone criticize another person and I feel uneasy when I join in. Hatred seems to be its own punishment, but something in me rejoices in a newfound appreciation. As an act of faith, as a response to something that feels very deep in me, I believe this about other human beings :
Regardless of their present mood (which I wish to respect) they want to be my friend. For no other reason than I am also human, they want to feel love for me and want me to feel love for them. Deep within them they want to be close to me and to all living things. This faith does not require that I do anything overt, it requires only that I not forget.

One thing has become quite clear: All aquaintances are passing. Therefore I want to make the most of every contact. I want to quickly get close to the people I meet because my experience has shown we won’t be together long.

People in cars passing by my car, people walking past me on a street, someone leaving a shop as I enter, Dad coming through the front door from work, neighbor getting his mail as I get mine, and with each one of these little brushings-against, these encounters big and small, I leave something behind. If I can feel what I pick up from them, certainly on some level they can feel my state also. What, then, is the trail behind me composed of? Does not this “gift to the world,” by it’s very enormity, outweigh all others?

A dissected heart.

Aundra — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 12:43:56 +0000

Broken
Torn

Muted
Hollow…….Both?

Definitely Maybe……………

Slaughtered Violated

You said goodbye, goodbye with no words.

I’m FROZEN

Darkness
“Pain”

I’m glad that you said everything I finally needed to hear. It pierced me like a thousand daggers. Until today I wasn’t able to let go of the hope that you could see me the way I saw you. Love goes wrong. Life goes on. Alliteration abounds. Notice how a cycle is round?

Damaged for sure, but not for good.

It’s heartbreaking that you didn’t want what I wanted to give. But please hold on to it. It was meant for you. Until I can stop mourning the loss of what could’ve been, I can’t appreciate it for what it was.

“Heartache”
“Headaches”

I caught a glimpse. It was lovely.

I hope you can learn to love yourself as much as you deserve to. As much as I do. Maybe………….

………………maybe then you’ll be able to embrace it when it comes to you from the outside. It doesn’t make life. It makes life sweeter.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend?
~.~|~.~

Kudos To Me?

Aundra — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:30:08 +0000

There is something about compliments that scares me. Part of the reason may be that I am afraid of getting something that can be subsequently taken away. I put myself in the hands of other people if I let my emotions lean on their statements.

Another reason: I am being put on the spot and now must watch what I do to keep them thinking this way about me.

Another: There is a part of me that knows I am not as good as their compliments imply.

Another: I have often been insincere when saying similar things.

The way I handle praise is honestly. Chelz said, ” you are one of the sweetest persons I have ever known”. I could have said, ” I believe I am sweet and but not as sweet as you see me.” We have known each other only for a short time and I have been putting my best foot forward. After you know me better I believe you will agree I can be as sour as the next girl.

My friendship with Chelz seems to typify a dynamic that many of my newly forming friendships go through. At first we saw only each others virtues. Now we are seeing only each others faults. If we make it through this latter stage, maybe we will see each other and truly be friends.

Interests change. Friendship based on mutual interests is doomed. Real friendship is an unshakable faith in what was once truly seen, no matter how recently or long ago.

Sometimes my contacts with people, even people I’m close to, are frustrating. Afterwards I feel dissatisfied, or sad, or even slightly irritated as if I have been wasting time. Surely these feelings must arise from a thwarting of my expectations. I go wanting something from the person and do not get it.

Things I might want: approval, help, fun, entertainment (escape from boredom), recogniton, love, sex, justification.

If I went wanting to be a friend rather than to have one, my want would not be frustrated.

Mood: Blah

Knowing Yourself —”What do you want?”

Aundra — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:55:59 +0000

Throughout my years on trying to find who I am, I have spoken with dozens of friends from all walks of life, and without a doubt the most prevalent questions that they have—-and the biggest challenge most face—revolve around relationships. Since it’s also my quest to find a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship I decided to post my thoughts and ponders on such challenge to try and identify the qualities in our selves and our partners.

Why does it seem to be more and more challenging to find a perfect mate or maintain a happy and compatible relationship? Was love always this difficult? Is love a myth? Why does it seem to be more complicated than ever to meet the right person and live happily ever after?

Before we probe that question, there may be other questions to consider. Perhaps the real questions are: Am I being the “right” one? Am I happy with who I am? Do I have issues and fears that are preventing me from finding the love I desire? Do I truly know what I desire in relationship? Possibly we haven’t met the right person or created harmony in our current relationship because we don’t know who we are, or don’t know how to do our part to create a happy and healthy relationship. Or maybe we like who we are, but we don’t believe we can create the relationship we want.

Look at these vivid pictures: There are some of us who believes that our life partners would show up at the door, and that they would not have to do anything special, or change who they are to meet our needs. Then we have those who desperately seek to get married, searches in vain to find a compatible life partner, because of desperation to find a companion, they met someone, got married, and then realized they still were not happy. Which lead to divorce and out in the world searching for love again. One the other hand I know many friends who stay in unfulfilling, unhappy, and even unhealthy relationships because they are too frightened to be alone. Our current beliefs about ourselves, and our fears about relationships, are creating the problems. If we have unresolved fears and doubts, we sabotage our potential to create a wonderful relationship.

How can we be part of a healthy, fulfilling relationship if we don’t trust or like ourselves? How can we offer the best of ourselves to another when we secretly fear we are not at our best? How can we feel safe getting into a relationship when we fear it may be the wrong one and therefore could cause us pain? How can we trust ourselves, and therefore our choices, if we fear repeating our past mistakes? How can we create a wonderful relationship if we have given up on magic of love or have forgotten how lovable we truly are? We all have heard that we must be happy with ourselves, but we don’t like that. Why can’t someone show up, love us unconditionally, and in doing so make our lives wonderful? The reason this wont work is that it takes two healthy, happy partners to create a healthy, happy relationship.

So the first step in finding and sustaining a wonderful relationship is to know, love, and value ourselves. Ask your self these soul-searching questions. Do you know deep within your heart what you truly desire what type of partner makes your heart sing? Do you know your true priorities? Are you being completely honest with yourself about the qualities you enjoy and the activities you really have no interest in? Are you being true to yourself, or are you searching for someone else’s idea of perfection? Do you want a partner who is predictable, a reliable provider who loves to come home every night? Are you a homebody? Do you want the house in the country, the well-mannered children, and an adoring partner who will be a wonderful father or mother to your children? Are you quite, practical, and conventional, but will you feel fulfilled with this type of person, or will you become restless and bored? Do you shy away from certain risks? Will you be able to handle unpredictable or impulsive behavior? Do you want to be with someone who will support you so you can have freedom to explore your creativity or start your own business?

Do you want a partner who is comfortable dealing with finances? Do you prefer to enjoy life’s simple pleasures and want someone who is easy going and easily pleased? Or do you want to be with someone who is highly motivated and goal oriented? Do you love having expensive possessions? Is this a strong priority? Do you understand that the type of person who provides such things may also not be at home much? Are you independent and self-confident enough to enjoy this type of relationship? Do you enjoy extra time and space for yourself? Do you value your independence and therefore need someone who will be busy with his or her own life? Or do you need a lot of companionship, reassurance, and validation from your mate? Do you prefer someone who challenges you to live up to your potential, someone who will inspire you to take chances and accomplish your greatest dreams? Or do you want a partner who will allow you to stay home so you do not need to interact with the outside world? Do you want a mate who loves to travel or does traveling frighten you? Do you need to be with someone who is open and communicative? Or do you prefer the strong, silent type?

Its just a matter of personal preference, whatever they may be, are valid. Just be aware of what they really are. Once you identify and understand yourself you will recognize the qualities that you desire in a partner. I hope this post will help you understand yourself and your love interest. Cheers!!