Why, Hello Mr. Anger.

“Let’s not get personal”——-Unless what you say relates to me as a person it is just words without life. But let’s just “get personal” about each other, let’s get personal about ourselves.

Whether written or spoken, the more-deeply personal and the more uniquely applicable people’s thoughts are to their individual lives, the more I find that what they say has meaning for me. There is usually more meat for me in a writer’s journal.

Many people think they are acting the way they feel when they tell someone off. Someone is critical of me and I answer by calling him a S.O.B. My feeling is not that he is a S.O.B.  My feeling is that he has hurt me: “You have hurt my feelings and now I want to hurt yours.”

Launching a verbal attack covers my feelings of being hurt with an appearance of strength.  I get angry when I think someone has changed me in away that I am helpless to do anything about.

*screams*

Is there a healthy anger?

Mood: Angry
Location: Toilet

Do Doing Done.

Wanting to do something is a desire not a sentence. When I “decide” what I want, I translate my desire into a sentence and then follow the sentence; I take the desire out of my heart and put it into my ego. Asking myself, “What should I do?” brings to mind my habitual answers to that question, it brings in what the voices from the past would want to do, and it ignores the fact that there are probably no adequate words to describe where my heart is leading me this instant.

The configuration of most situations implies, through tradition, a corresponding emotion: We look at all we have to do and feel overwhelmed.  Our spouse flirts and we feel jealous. Someone takes the parking place we are backing into and we feel enraged. We are not invited and we feel slighted.  Added to traditional interpretations are countless other factors dictating how we should feel: the habitual responses we picked up from our parents, the mood we are in at the time, the attitudes of other people involved, the religious or ethical tradition we learned as a child. Thus, in reality, we can and do respond quite differently to the same provocation each time it occurs.

The “shoulds” in how I “should” feel conflict to the point of anxiety, which is how I feel much of the time. Only the stillness of my heart is consistent, and it does not dictate how to behave but merely how to see. If I want to clarify what it is I wish to do about the situation, it would be certain I know the difference between how I see this man and how everyone is telling me he is. I do not see Kirk as mature and sincere. How do I see him? Here I run into the problem of how I really see him versus trying to remain consistent with how I told everyone I saw him. I can be faithful to my image or faithful to myself.

Don’t Judge A Gummi By It’s Label

I always seem to be feeling either superior or inferior, one up or one down, better off or worse off than everyone else. The superior moments are elating, but the rare and blessed moments are when I feel equal.

There is no such thing as “best” in a world of individuals.

Picture Source: Flickr
Why this need to divide up,classify, and neatly package every new acquaintance?

For me to try to classify something so complex as an individual human merely demonstrates my own shallowness. A judgement of another person is an abstraction that adds qualities which are not there and leaves out what is unique. When I classify individuals I turn them into objects. The only way for me to contact other people is to exprience them, not think about them.